Episode 1 - "Pilot"

Hunter
"I think she might be the one. You didn't happen to get her name, did ya?"
Hunter
"We lock him in the basement and make him listen to Celine Dion."
Hunter
"Ford, you're a lawyer. Am I Hunter Franklin?"
Hunter
"Okay, so daddy drinks."
Hunter
"Julie Sheffield? Are you kidding? Tsch! A guy does not forget the first girl he ever had sex with outdoors. Which was a very irresponsible thing to do."
Hunter
"I have this whole other life that exists in a parallel dimension like some bad Jean Claude Van Damme movie."
Hunter
"I'm not supposed to be a father. I'm the guy fathers warn their daughters about."
Hunter
"No, this is how international super model, Vendala, peels carrots."

Norris
"I call it still life, with nipples...apples."
Norris
"Hey, catheters paid for our Playstation, mister."
Norris
"I was going to write you a thank you note, but now you're going to have sex with my roommate which is much better."
Norris
"Oh good. Tonight's performance will be in stereo."
Norris
"Stop staring at her through glass like she's a turtle."
Norris
"Geez, Ford, how gay are you?"
Norris
"I'm fighting the impulse to point out quite how pathetic that is, whoops, I guess I lost."
Norris
"I can be happy selling catheters again. I mean, sure, some people just see it as a tube you pee through, but I'm looking at from the other side."
Norris
"I can show you my new paintings and we can leap off the roof like lemmings."

Ford
"So, now I'm living with these guys while I dissolve my marriage as being gay and having a wife are somewhat incompatible. Unless, of course, you're a politician or a movie star."
Ford
"Look, stop the bickering, you're both pretty."
Ford
"Gay enough to kick your ass. Die homophobic ninja scum."
Ford
"There are no bad Jean Claude Van Damme movies."
Ford
"You guys are so married. ... Yes, you are. And I know which one of you is the wife."
Ford
"I'm just saying don't waste those tickets on me. You know, I'm not a big Streisand fan... Hello? Hello?"
Ford
"Talk about a dysfunctional family, huh? Kind of makes us look like, uh, Doris Day and Rock Hudson. Bad analogy."
Ford
"I'm just another married gay guy living with a couple of straight guys married to each other."

Suzanne
"Oh please, when am I ever not nice?"
Suzanne
"Well, I'd love to stay and chat but the longer I stand still the louder the howling in my head gets."
Suzanne
"We tried living together as friends, but, well, let's be honest, that crap only works on Lifetime."
Suzanne
"I brought wine...and more wine."
Suzanne
"What was I blind?"
Suzanne
"Well, honey, you promised to love, honor and not go Nancy on me."
Suzanne
"I don't need you. I have wine!"

Chloe
"You know, I always had this fantasy that you'd be like Gregory Peck in "To Kill a Mockingbird". I think it's time to let that go."
Chloe
"Thanks for having me. No pun intended."
Chloe
"If you stare at me any harder, you're going to give me a tumor."
Chloe
"Where's daddy?!"
Chloe
"Okay, physical affection thing...not earned."

Janet
"YES! YES! YES!"
Art Critic
"Frankly, I find your work disturbing. There's a sinister oppressiveness to it that's, well, very patriarchcal."
Bartender
"It's two hundred bucks an hour, a thousand for the whole night."