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"Anyways, it's common sense. Pop-tart anyone?"
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"Oh, no, I could do it. It just sounds boring. I mean, running is kinda for girls."
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"Ahh, I like numbers. ... Not so good with names."
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"I leaned over to grab the remote last night, so I'm good to go."
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"My feet are fine, but my wallet's kinda digging into my ass."
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"Satan? Hey, if anyone is Satan, it's Norris."
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"I still got one thing going for me. I didn't even train for this marathon, and I was still going kick your flabby, white-collar butt."
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"Ah, it was a lot of hot dogs... In the race. You know, running backwards, hopping on one leg, that kind of thing. Kind of ruins it for the serious runners."
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"Wow. First, your firm has casual Fridays, and now hobo Tuesdays?"
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"Oh, yeah, 'cause nothing upsets a sick child more than a visit from a pasty cheerleader."
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"That man is Satan! ... No, I'm telling you. He's on the Devil's speed-dial."
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"Looks like Nick-at-Nite could have saved somebody three years of law school."
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"Welcome to the resistance, comrade."
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"I've been dreaming about this. It's delicious, I tell you, delicious!"
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"And there I was working my three bean bags in the student lounge, and Hunter comes in with a bowling ball, and a toaster, and a flaming typewriter. Everybody cheered and followed him off. Left me handling my bags in front of the janitor."
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"This is not just for me. This is for all those other sad, conquered bastards that came before us. Don't you see, Ford? You're our 'great gay hope'."
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"Hah-hah, yes, thousands of them! Tanned, toned, best of all, numbered."
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"I could have you fixed."
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"I don't want to miss any of the marathon. This street is like pothole central. People are going down."
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"I am a folk hero. I am a legend. I am 'grocery man'!"
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"Who was that mask man?"
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"Next time Satan calls, we should star sixty-nine him. I'm gonna find out what he has planned for the Backstreet Boys."
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"I won eighty-six bucks, and I met Dionne Warwick at the buffet."
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"We're not paying you a million dollars. Suck it up. Peace and love, Ford Lowell, Esquire."
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"Paint fumes a little strong up here, aren't they?"
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"I think this is kinda between you and Hunter, and the company that makes Prozac."
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"God, there were so many of those."
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"Don't worry about me. I'm in peak condition. This body's a running machine."
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"You're doing it to meet girls. And I'm doing it to beat you like a dog."
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"'Cause you're lucky, and you win at everything, and all the losers are counting on me. I'm the 'great gay hope'."
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"He might also have said that you're, you know, Satan."
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"Natas?"
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"Mr. Frank, if you want me to stay in this race, say something. Fair enough."
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"You've ever seen some of those girls you bring home in the cold light of day? Woof!"
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"Oh, god, and your job, punching a clock, sitting in an unheated trailer, sucking down bad coffee. I'd put a gun in my mouth!"
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"I may vomit."
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"Good morning, counselor. This is your day. And this city is your oyster."
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"'Top of head'?!"
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"Wow! You look like Robert Downey, Jr., in a parole hearing."
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"Ooh, and the ticket stubs when we saw those adorable singing junkies in 'Rent'."
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"Well, so much for gay men being sensitive."
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"What? I get sweaty drinking vodka."
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"That means it's everything! What are you, in a coma?"
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"It was the moment that I knew I wanted to marry you. Well, actually, no, that was a week later when I got the results of your T.R.W. report."
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"Damn the weak link!"
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"You mean, like his George Michael CD collection?"
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"He's not just standing outside the restaurant looking at the menu, he's actually sitting down at a table, strapping on a bib."
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"Chloe, I need a flashlight, some double-sided tape, and a gimlet. And if you can't find the flashlight and the tape, don't worry about it."
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"What have we here, mister unmarked gay shoebox?"
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"I sued the printers for sixty grand."
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"Yeah, well, grocery man, I think your tin foil cape is picking up some signals from outerspace."
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"Explain to me again why we can't throw garbage at them?"
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"Unless you happen to have a massive heartattack and die in the gutter. Like no one else was thinking it."
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"Do you believe a woman would marry a man because of a crappy stuffed bear?"
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"He's got specialized hair brushes. Top of head, side of head, other side of head."
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"You know, gay stuff. ... No, I mean like 'don't leave it out in the open' gay stuff."
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"Let's go fill paper cups with hot sauce to hand to the runners."
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"Okay, then what about hot man-on-man love action?"
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"Oh, eww, yech, sleazy music, bad lighting, cheap costumes. This is disgusting."
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"Suzanne and Gord?"
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"Kind of ironic, huh? ... Gay guy, hiding his straight stuff in the closet. Never mind."
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